Bringing Light to My Past and My Present with Hillel and Hanukkah
Skylar Strudwick is a student writer studying at the University of Minnesota. Ahead of Hanukkah, Skylar shared the powerful story of how she discovered the roots of her own Jewish identity and how she found a community through that journey of discovery:
My grandmother’s name was Sabra, and she passed away in 2017 from brain cancer. She left behind a series of questions that I never had the chance to ask her when she was here. Since she passed away, I’ve been trying to piece her life together to answer those questions and learn more about my family. About two years ago, I found one of her diaries in a corner of my family’s basement. It was very old, the pages were torn, and inside, I found glimpses of her life, including grocery lists and a family secret: my grandmother was Jewish, and so am I.
Growing up, we never lit Shabbat candles, my parents never mentioned anything about the High Holidays, and we did absolutely nothing for Hanukkah. Yet there it was in my grandmother’s own handwriting – an identity, a piece of cultural heritage that had slipped through the cracks of my family history. While I couldn’t answer the question of why she hid her Jewish identity, I was determined to find out more about mine.
Taking my first Jewish steps with Hillel
Once I started college at the University of Minnesota, I began my journey to learn more about my Jewish identity. I walked into Minnesota Hillel as a complete newcomer. I had no Jewish education to help me understand anything that was going on in a service, and though I had read a couple of Wikipedia articles about Jewish holidays and history, it all felt new and strange as I nervously started attending services and programs.
It took me some time to feel like I knew what to expect at a Shabbat dinner or to feel like the songs and services were familiar. And as Hanukkah neared during that first semester, my anxiety resurfaced. I had so many questions and felt ashamed to ask them. Thankfully, my friends and mentors at Hillel showed me that questions are celebrated in Judaism, and taught me that Hanukkah is about the deep roots of resilience and shared identity among the Jewish people.
In the end, what felt great about celebrating Hanukkah with the Minnesota Hillel community was that nobody questioned why I was there. I learned there are Jews who have never missed a Shabbat dinner and those who have never attended a service. Simply put, what I loved about that first Hanukkah was learning that the holiday can be a time when we all come together to celebrate being Jewish.
Hanukkah lights the way
This Hanukkah, I imagine how my grandmother might have lit the candles, watching as the small flames danced around her room and reflected in her eyes. Lighting the candles has become a personal connection to my grandmother and a nod to the story that I am continuing to uncover. As I add a new candle to the menorah each night, I will think about her and her resilience.
I will reflect on my responsibility to carry my grandmother’s legacy, and ensure that her Jewish story doesn’t end in the pages of that diary. This year, as I light the menorah, I will think about how my grandmother’s diary led me here today. And I will send a blessing back to my younger self standing nervously in front of Hillel, and reassure her that she’ll find belonging and community there before too long.
Skylar Strudwick is a junior at the University of Minnesota studying psychology, sociology, and business law. She is involved with the Minnesota Jewish community through her work as a marketing and data intern for Minnesota Hillel which involves leading services, setting up Shabbat programming, and acting as an ambassador for the Junior class. She enjoys reading, writing books, keeping a blog, yoga, and knitting on weekends.